Many employees are overworked, partly because they don’t know how to assert themselves. They are under constant pressure to do more in less time. They worry about the need to improve their time management skills and how to get a better work life balance. But they could kill at least two birds with one stone if they were better able to say “no,” to be more assertive at work.
Assertiveness training encourages you to assert your rights, to demand time for yourself. But this is a poor solution if you like to please people. It's too confrontational. The problem with the assertive approach is that you are focusing on your needs not those of the other person. As a result, you end up feeling guilty for saying “no”.
Focusing on the Needs of Others
The key to saying “no” effectively is to focus on the other person's needs. For example, you might say “Let me see how I can best help you” and then offer suggestions, anything short of taking the monkey on your back. You also may worry whether the other person feels rejected or that you don't think what you are being asked to do is important. You should counter this impression by saying how much you would like to help and that you can see the importance of this job. You could add that to do it justice you would need to devote so much time to it that it wouldn't get done on time or properly.
Ask what the job entails, why it's important and what the options are for getting it done. Often, such questions can help the other person see another way of doing the job without imposing on you. The bottom line is that you are never saying “no.” Instead you are being helpful without agreeing to do the job yourself. If you agree to take on this job, can your colleague relieve you of something else in exchange? If not, make sure that the colleague understands that you are collecting an I.O.U. This means that you expect assistance in return another time.
Managing Priorities
Saying “no” to your boss is not easy. Try the tactics listed above, again focusing on your boss's needs. Never say: “I'm too busy.” This focuses on your needs. As with the idea of exchange, however, ask your boss to help you understand where this job fits in with your other priorities. You might be able to buy yourself some time on this job or some other priority if you can get your boss's agreement about where you should spend your time. It's not a matter of asking your boss to tell you how to do your job. Think of your boss as a customer. Your aim is to meet your customer's needs. This angle suggests touching base with your boss regularly to review your priorities so that you can be sure that you are aligning yourself with what is most important to your most immediate customer.
How to be More Assertive at Work
When people argue, they focus on points of disagreement. It is almost always true that they agree with at least 50% and as high as 80% of what the other person is saying. By only talking about areas of disagreement, however, they convey the impression that they think the other person’s whole idea is junk. A better way to assert yourself is to begin by stating aspects of the other person’s position that you agree with. Then, when it comes to the few points of contention, turn your issues into questions, hence asking: “If we do X, what would be the impact on Y?” Or, you might ask: “If we run up against X obstacle, how would we get around it?” The key point here is that turning statements into questions is less confrontational but still assertive.
